Oh yes. The joys of owning a dog. How to collect a urine sample.
1) Thank le Bon Dieu that your dog pees like a girl.
2) Get an aluminum pie plate. Wash it well.
3) Wait until dog squats to pee. Immediately insert pie plate under dog's bottom (more or less).
4) Try not to laugh when the dog immediately gets up and gives you a quizzical look.
5) Wait until the dog resumes peeing after being interrupted.
6) And wait ...
7) And try ...
8) And wait because the dog caught you again ...
9) And wait ..
10) Try to look innocent while holding said pie plate.
11) Try to hide pie plate, because the dog is clearly not impressed that you're trying to stick that under him when he tries to go.
12) Put yourself in dog's place. How would YOU feel if every time you tried to pee someone shoved a pie plate under your arse?
13) Aha! He squats. Stuff pie plate under again.
14) Try not to get too annoyed when dog gives you a decidedly odd look that clearly says, "What the hell has gotten into you?"
15) Give up and try another day.